so i was thinking about just one brief comment that Esther made to... i forget who, but thats besides the point. TBA was commenting on how difficult life was when you had nothing... Esther thought to herself "you dont know what its like to have nothing until you literally have nothing." ive been having more and more flashbacks to my time in new york this past summer. i was visiting a friend around the 4th of july who was there on an internship and ended up experiencing things that were beyond my imagination. my friends roommate, whom was randomly assigned in an apartment complex literally three buildings down from the empire state building and across the street from macey's (they had it rough, lemme tell u), was actually doing an intership for RBI, a youth summer baseball/summer school program for kids from the age of 9 to 14. this program was located in the heart of spanish harlem, the baseball field she worked at only blocks from the Washington housing projects and the metropolis hospital in the area. it was surreal. me, being me, wanting to kick it with emily the entire time, as opposed to walking around the fashion district and eating sushi with my friend that i was visiting.... at the heart of the spanish harlem, every body that had a chance to look at me without me wearin my sunglasses to hide my blue eyes, since in the summer my skin turns quite brown, made me feel like i had that "dubois-ian" veil that W.E.B. Du Bois spoke about in his writings before the turn of the 20th century. its wierd to be looked at as an outsider and to have that unspoken, psychological establisment that i am not part of this community and sure as hell aint welcomed.

in NY i briefly tipped my toes in the bronx... the reason for which i was kicken it in in the bronx shall be unmentioned, but the fact of the matter is the community level, the brother and sisterhood, is extreme. yet it is divided by districts and and city blocks. there are SO many people that live in a single city block, without going there, you cannot even imagine. so the problem lies, then, with the abstraction of how to unite so many individual groups, communities, familes, and lives that are solely interdependentent on each other and maybe have run dry of any heart or passion to work towards a better good because they are struggling for the survival of their children, brothers, sisters, parents, and anyone else that is in their immediate community.

there are so many people in this world. why doesnt anyone help their brothers and sisters, their fellow people, fellow human beings... last i checked, it was proven that melanin does not mean racial inferiority. apparantly that useful bit of information hasnt gone mainstream.